Selling cars is one of the most physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausting jobs anyone could have. I have been in my position for about 3 years now, and for the most part (except what you read about on this post) it has been a rather enjoyable experience.

Every now and again, a customer will come in who isn't quite sure which vehicle they're interested in. For the most part, this isn't a problem, you show them a couple cars and by the end of the day they've made up their mind. Once a year or so, I'll get someone who is totally and utterly clueless about what they're looking for in their next vehicle. Much like the lady who I was helping out.

Fortunately, of all the salespeople she talked to, I did not get it that bad, but what I did get was bad enough. Before coming to see me, this particular lady drove about a dozen cars at a competing dealership (same brand), and then drove every single one of the cars on the lot at a local branch for a national used-car super-center for one of the three brands I sell. When she stopped by to see me, she thought she had narrowed it down to one vehicle. After driving them, she mentioned that it just didn't feel quite right, so she wanted to drive something else.

That vehicle didn't feel right either.

Now...when I say "that vehicle didn't feel right" I must put into perspective. This lady had the hardest time vocalizing her thoughts of anyone I'd ever met. It usually took about a half hour of hand gestures, and describing phrases every time she tried to get a thought put to words...so I had to play detective and figure out what she was saying.

In her first visit, she drove three cars, and was here well in excess of four hours. The second visit, was a 6 test drive visit, and lasted nearly 10 hours. By the end of the day the poor woman was nearly in tears because she couldn't decide which one she wanted. By this point, they had all started running together...and she was very, very frusterated.

Not only was she frusterated, but I was as well. As a sales consultant, I typically work every single one of my customers in the speed they prefer, and in the way they prefer. At around 4:00 PM on the second day, my brain grew very exhausted. By this point, I was no longer accompanying her on the drives, I just tossed her the keys, and gave her my liscense plate, and discussed the car with her when she returned.

Finally, I thought I had found a car for her. I sent her out to drive it, and when she came back she mentioned, without a doubt, this was the correct car. We got all the paperwork ready, and when it was her turn to get in to do her paperwork, she got cold feet. All of a sudden she had to leave to go get something and she would be back in just an hour.

I assumed she was not coming back...so I came back to my office, sat at my desk and just stared at my monitor. I don't know if anyone reading this has ever smoked pot, however, the only way I can describe how my head felt, is how it feels after doing that. My head was buzzing...I couldn't think, I couldn't move. All I could do was just sit here staring blankly into the computer monitor.

Two thoughts crossed my mind. Either A) she will come back and want a different car or B) she won't come back. As I thought about it, I would have rather had B happen than A, because there's no way I could bring myself to throw her out, which is what I was instructed to do if when she returned she had changed her mind yet again.

All in all, the story has a happy ending. She made it back, did the paperwork on the car...and is now driving around happily in her new little vehicle. I don't know how, but for some reason, any time I see her again, I just have a feeling I'm going to go into PTSD convulsions...we'll see if it happens when she stops by to pick up her tags in a couple weeks :-).

I promise...I really am not a shrink. It seems though, most of my customers think I am. Check out the e-mail that started my day last Saturday...

"Hello and thank you for the quick response.

To avoid a ton of back and forth e-mailing I'm going to give you some of my
information and you can decide which route we should take. First thing first, I do have a trade-in. 2006 with only ~3200 miles on it; Very
low miles for being 8/9 months old.

It's loaded with the very sought after performance package that not
all of these come with.

I wanted a japanese rally rocket initially but when I bought my new Chevy Suburban to pull my fishing boat, I told them I wanted a sports car as well in place of my ex-wives car (a very crappy american car) that I acquired because was not making the payments. They made me such a great deal on the Suburban I said why not. Her  car was upside down to begin with and although I did put money down on the , I'm still upside down. I'm sure that's because I have only made 6/7 payments. The car is a really great car it's just not what I really
wanted.   I'm 35 so no worries of the car being molested.

 Now, with all that being said, I was divorced a few years ago and life is great. My score was really beat down when I was divorced and awarded one home, she received the 2nd home and we shared 50/50 of the bills. Well I sold my home, she let hers go and her 50% of the bills became my additional 50% because she just decided not to pay anything. She walked out of a 13 year marriage for another woman, yes another woman and well I think she lost her mind all together. It's hard to believe I was married to her with all the trouble she's been in since our divorce.

So is it possible? I thank you for your time and I look forward to working with
you. 

Respectfully, "


Wow...so where do I begin.  First and foremost...the whole divorce thing could have been averted if you would have just learned to use your tounge from the beginning.  Second...my rates for counseling are $250 per hour...your bill is in the mail.

While most of my co-workers are really wonderful people...and very very fun to be around (most of the time) we have one here who just sticks out as "oh my god...why in the world does she have that job???"

This particular lady is our customer service representative...who fills in for the receptionist (a very very sweet lady) during her lunch and occasional breaks. While our customer service lady is a very kind woman, her voice takes me back to elementary school where we had these gorgeous slate blackboards. Every time she is on the intercom I picture my 3rd grade teacher, Mrs. Landis, dragging her inch-long crimson-red fingernails the whole 12 foot length of the board (which by the way, was her favorite way to get our attention when we were exceptionally bad).

The more I thought about this, the more I realized she is probably in the perfect position at our dealership. Here's why...

Easily 75-80% of the customer service claims our (or probably any organization for that matter) dealership gets are friviolous...things like one customer in particular who showed up to our service department without an appointment, and then demanded to speak to the owner of the dealership when his car was not completed within a half hour...more on him later...but anyone with any sense at all realizes when you need something done, you typically need to make an appointment. Or even other things, like complaining something on their car (that we recommended to be repaired and they declined) broke soon after they got it back from service.

The nice thing about when these people get to talk to this lady...there's no way they'll stay on the phone very long. I'm sure after 5-10 minutes of hearing that voice...they're willing to do whatever she says just to get her off the phone.

And that, my friends, is why she is the perfect person for that position.

So yeah, January was a bit of a busy month, so I didn't get to update as frequently as I thought I was going to. Not terribly much happened, but either way...it kept me out of trouble.

So far this month I've already had three abso-fucking-lutely insane customers. Two I will tell about...the third...well...we'll just not bring him into the picture because smoke starts to billow out of my ears any time I mention it. 

February: Convertible Season???

The first auto-maggot award of the month definitely goes to a lady who wanted to test drive a convertible two days ago (the day high was only 33 degrees, mind you). It's not that she wanted to drive the convertible...it's that she wanted to drive the convertible with the top down only...and...she would not go on her own.

It's not that I don't enjoy driving convertibles with the top down...I do...I just don't enjoy it when it's below 60 degrees outside.

Is that negotiable?

Rule of thumb...if something shows up on an actual factory invoice...it's probably not a negotiable item if you're already below invoice for your selling price.  One of the brands I sell does not already include the manufacturer advertising fee or the port fee in the base invoice price of their car.  A grave mistake if you ask me...however, they swear up and down that this is the best way to do it...who's counting...I only have to deal with the customers...what do I know about what they want?

Anyway, this particular manufacturer charges a $437 port and prep fee to the dealer, that shows up on the factory invoice...but it conveniently does not show up in any of the consumer websites...which causes negotiating headaches for both the salespeople and the customers.  

As it happens, I quoted this particular customer a very aggressive price...$300 under invoice on a car that no one has and no one can get...on a factory order.  Basically...to sell him the car at that price we're breaking even...not making...not losing money.  He was talking with another dealer who apparently had not been completely honest with him...because he told me the other guy wasn't.

I confirmed that my offer was valid, and that it included everything except his taxes, tags and our processing fee, quoted him the car again, quoted him the invoice price again, and moved on.

I got an e-mail back from this guy not too long after I sent it where basically he called me a lying cheat...and that my invoice price was really $437 less than I told him it was...and that he'd never do any business with a company that  added things to their own invoices.  

So needless to say, I will not be selling him a car.  He threatened to go back to the other dealer...yes...the sleazy guy...to which I told him to go ahead.

So this has been 2007 so far...I'm ready for 2008 already!

The vast majority of people I sell cars to I'd love to see again. Most of my customers are very friendly, easy going people...very much like myself. Occasionally I get one who I really don't care if I ever see them again or not because they're just so downright nasty.

Two days ago I got a call from one of my formers in the second category.

I obviously did something right for him when he bought the car because no matter how hard I try he won't go away. This time, he wants to trade his large german luxury sedan on a rugged station wagon. No matter how you cut it, on it's best day his car is only worth $10,000...he won't trade it for less than $18,000.

The car he wants to buy is priced exceptionally (it's a $31,000 car) in the lower $20,000's. He won't buy the car for more than $20,000.

I told him to go away...he didn't.

"I have on record that cars just like mine sold for $17,000...and so I won't take less than $18,000 for it"

"That's nice...sell it yourself"

"I can't do that, I don't have time"

"Well, this is what I'll give you for it...if you don't like it...you can sell it yourself"

"Ok, I'll sell it myself"

"How much room do you have left in the car we're looking at?"

"$100-200 if that"

"Well if you give me an extra $3000 off I'll take it"

"Have a nice day"

"What?"

"I said...have a nice day."

I heard a long pause and then *click*

I love when people hang up on me.

-Salesranter

On a side note...watch for a new domain to come for this blog. I'm going to be moving off LiveJournal soon.

Typically I do not like making multiple posts on the same day. Today, however, I am going to make an exception.

I have been working with this particular lady for a few months now. The whole time, and the entire e-mail chain I have with her indicates that she wanted a particular car with a manual transmission (it had to be pre-owned) in green...well...let's re-name the color...how about chartreuse.

Finally, I got one in stock, so early last week I called and told her I had this car available and asked when a good time to check the vehicle out would be. She set the appointment for tonight at 7:15 and showed. We got out to the car, she climbed around the inside a bit (pretty hefty task for this pretty hefty woman...), and decided it was the right car and she wanted to take it for a drive.

In standard fashion, I drove the car off the lot, showed her a couple features inside, and pulled in to a small park about 2 blocks from the dealership to give her an opportunity to drive. I put the car in neutral and changed places with her. When she got in on her side, she slid the beige leather seat forward to meet the pedals. Once situated, she fastened the seat belt and started revving the hell out of the engine.

"There's something wrong with this car" She said

Even though the car had just completed the certification process with flying colors, there is a chance that something could be wrong with the car, although I didn't notice anything.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"Well," she said "I keep pushing the gas pedal but the car isn't going anywhere"

I explained to her that you have to put the car in gear. So...she put it in gear, and sure as I'm sitting here the car lurched forward, coughed a time or two, then died. I asked her why she didn't put the clutch in to put the car in gear...because that's a pretty important part to drive a manual transmission car.

"Oh...this is the first time I've ever been in a manual car before. I thought manual was just meaning the transmission thingy (yes...she said thingy) was on the floor not on the steering wheel"

She was very flustered and asked me to drive back to the dealership. I got out of my side of the car and walked around to hers...where she could not get out of the seat. I asked her if something was wrong...and she said she just couldn't get up and couldn't figure out why.

"Check your seat belt"

When she realized it was her seat belt holding her in the car, she didn't stop pulling (the seat belt, by this point had locked out), she released the seat belt, and came rolling out of the car. By this point she was completely in tears, and I was doing everything I could to keep from bursting out in hysterical laughter.

We drove back to the dealership, and I dropped her off at her car, where she drove off...highly likely never to be seen by me again.

It just goes to show that when you think you've seen it all...there's always something else.

-Salesranter

I was sitting here at my desk yesterday running through my log book of people I've sold cars to just to see if there was anyone I could get back in touch with or call and say hi to. A few were fun, some stuck out as being a little bit crazy, some mean, and some were...well...interesting.

One that stuck out more than any, is a girl who works in an office about two blocks from here. She special ordered her somewhat quirky car. One thing I didn't realize when I told her it would be about two months until the car arrived was that every time a truck loaded with cars like hers drove by she would call me and ask if one of those were hers. Finally, her car did drive by on a truck, and within 3 hours she was at my dealership to pick up her car.

When she was picking up the car, she asked what the best way to prevent parking lot wear and tear was. Her mom piped up and said "..., honey, I drive the most expensive car on the road...parking lots are just something you have to worry about...your car is cheap...don't let it bother you." I have never seen someone get so disappointed. So...after that I decided to make a joke...in as much as I despise kids...I just told her to avoid parking the car next to vehicles that look like they're carrying children. Apparently it worked because she got in touch with me the other day, and let me know after a year and a half of driving, her car is still ding free.

I really don't know what happened. I thought...maybe it's just me...but the winter holiday season was supposed to be a time of joy, happiness, giving, etc...

Then again...it does tend to bring out the worlds biggest assholes...and typically it's the people who have money.

For as long as I have known, standard practice for buying a car whether you're paying cash for it or financing it, requires a credit check because there's way too many people out there who are trying to take advantage of others...and...in the state where I live...you also have to have insurance verification on file in order to even complete the paperwork.

Today I had one of my best jerk customers ever!

As I was getting the deal ready to go, and filling out the paperwork that was needed in order to get the car ready, I got to where I was asking him for proof of insurance. The guy got really really angry with me that I would dare to ask for his insurance card. After explaining to him that I needed it to complete the deal, and if he didn't want to give us proof he had insurance, I didn't have to give him the car.

After a small battle, he relented and let me have his insurance. Little did I know that the battle I had just won was the very beginning. An all-out war was getting ready to ensue.

"Since you're not paying for the car in full on this bank draft, I do have to take a quick credit check in order to 1. Verify your identity and 2. Incase your check doesn't clear or you decide to have the check cancelled between now and then, we have more legal options."

Well...he decided to start shouting. He told me in his yell that he had been buying cars for over 25 years, and that he had a $500,000 house (which by the way, isn't something that spectacular in my area...) and he drives a Mercedes (which again...is not something that spectacular in this area) and he had never been so offended that someone would have to check his credit.

Typically the people who get angry about things like that are people who don't have good credit...I don't know if he did or not...because in the end I did't get to check it...but I told him I'd go check with my manager and let him know what they'd let him do.

I went over to my management and started discussing the situation. Obviously he wasn't through yelling. While I was over there, he came over and started yelling about how he has never been so offended in his life that we wouldn't just trust what he had to say. Repeated everything he just told me about how much money he has and reminded me and everyone else in there that he had walked out on numerous deals before and if we didn't do what he wanted he was walking out.

My sales manager decided to calmly get up, walk around the desk, outstretched his hand looked the guy straight in the eye and said with a big warm smile "Have a very merry christmas"

So...Mr. Asshole stormed out and on the way home left me this voicemail.

"Yeah this is...and I've been buying cars for a long long time. You guys made a big mistake today in deciding to handle my deal like you did. I've never been treated that poorly ever when I've been buying a car. Even if I have to drive 200 miles and pay $1000 more for the car, I am not buying from your dealership. You're going to lose a lot of business and I'm going to tell everyone I know what a bad organization you are. Make sure you have a good holiday and merry Christmas...I hope all you can afford is a bologna sandwich"

Ok Mr. Asshole...for the record...even if you came back in to me begging on your knees and offering to pay full list for the car and throw in free first class airfare to europe, along with all my hotel costs, all food costs, and pay all my bills while I was away, and on top of all that you decided to pay off my car and buy me a new townhouse...I still would not sell you a car. One thing I love about this job is I only have to sell cars to people I like. If I don't like you...I don't have to sell to you. If you hadn't stormed out...I was getting ready to throw your ass on the street anyway.

So...merry fucking christmas to you too.

In the downtime today while I've been waiting for them to grant people access to our dealership...I found a good quote...

"I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it."

-Groucho Marx

Still seeking help with a pen name :-)

The automotive industry is one of the most unpredictable creatures I have ever met...and not only because of the crazy people it brings out of the woodwork.

Take for instance today. Today has to be one of the most stunningly beautiful days we've had since last spring...nice temperature, good breeze, clear skies...we're set up perfectly to have a really busy sales day. There was, however, a car accident right next to my dealership this afternoon which brought down some power lines. Funnily enough, all access to my dealership is blocked off. You have to be extremely creative to get in or out.

Even with this, the loonies are out in force. The entertaining thing today though, has not been the people coming in to buy cars, but the people who are passing through our property to get to lunch, work, or [insert your own creative destination here].

Two in particular stand way out.

The first is a guy and a girl who were walking to a shopping center near where I work for lunch because driving there today is...well...not possible. You can walk through part of my lot...but...you can't get the rest of the way to where you're going...because one of the roads that borders my dealership has live power lines laying across it. One of my co-workers went out to warn them they can't cross there because of safety concerns. The dipshit proceeded to get angry at my co-worker and try to go that way anyway...they went...and got turned back...as my co-worker said he would. This guy stopped in my office and asked my co-worker (the same one who just told him NOT to go that way) why he didn't warn him they couldn't go that way. My co-worker was a lot more pleasant than I would have been...

The second guy drove his Silver BMW 6 series convertible over our cone barricade (usually cones mean do not drive here...no?) dragging them with him as he drove. One of them got wrapped up in his drive shaft. When he got down to the part where he couldn't turn into the road bordering the dealership...one of my co-workers warned him he had a cone stuck under his car and he should probably get it out. This douche said "it will just fall out" and drove OVER the cones again...then didn't make it 500 yards before the cone under his drive shaft caught on fire. We went up to him and asked "so it'l just fall out eh?" He was PISSED...but...a fire in your $90,000 sports car is good enough reason to pay fucking attention!

On a much lighter note...I sold a car last weekend to a really fun blonde girl...who is actually the person who talked me into starting this thing. Mappy...you're the only person who know's who I am...so if I get found out I'll track you down...even if I have to go to your (*shudders*) take-out-food-lacking (however do people survive without ethnic food???) new home town. There aren't many customers who are so fun I'd actually consider spending time with them outside of work. I wanted to go to her and her significant other's going away party on Friday night, but I just couldn't make it. Good luck in your new town and keep that blog updated!

For now...

[insert forthcoming pen name here...anyone have any ideas?]